Archiving: just ask.
Date Written: June 24, 2005
Disclaimer: Mizuki's pimp clothes are mine. Everything else, nope.
Summary: A silly little crack!ficlet starring Shinji. All Orphne's fault.
Akira Kamio, undercover cop, was having a bad day.
Mizuki, decked out in fuschia and an assortment of approximately 900 gold chains, was beside himself.
“You’ve got to do something,” he seethed. “He’s been scaring away all our best clients. They think he’s crazy!”
“He’s not crazy,” said Akira with a tone that spoke of years of practice rising to Shinji’s defense. “He’s just shy.”
“Hey, I can take shy,” Mizuki countered in annoyance. “But he’s not cut out for this business. You’ve got to take him off my hands.”
“This is where I remind you that prostitution is technically illegal,” said Akira testily. “I could just solve the problem by shutting you down permanently. Don’t go off half-cocked.”
“Why, Kamio,” said Mizuki, invading his personal space and fluttering his eyelashes. “Is that an invitation?”
Akira backed away. “I’ll just go take him home,” he said hastily, crossing the street to where Shinji’s third car of the hour was speeding hastily away from him.
"Hey mister, looking for a good time, or maybe a fun time, or a chance to go out for coffee? We could catch a movie—I hear Batman Returns is pretty good, though it's probably not exactly a date movie, but maybe it could be fun for a little while, and if it doesn’t work out you can always tell the management you accidentally went to the wrong theatre and get a refund…"
“Hi, Shinj,” Akira said, and Shinji looked up from his feet. His eyes widened.
“Kamio,” he breathed. “I didn’t expect to see you here—not that I would have, I mean, you don’t exactly seem like the type to need to drop by a place like this, not that you would even if you did but still the odds of you showing up here are really—”
“How’s business?” Akira stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“It’s really not that bad, considering the territory,” Shinji offered with a wan smile, his hair falling into his eyes. “I haven’t been on the beat very long but I have had a few interested clients, I’m sure if I can get them to slow down long enough I won’t have any problems convincing them to—”
“How much is your usual fee?” Akira clapped his hand over his mouth. This wasn’t like himself at all. He was all out of rhythm.
“Oh, 40,000 yen, but that’s really a bit steep, I think, especially considering the cost of living in this particular area—I’d probably drop it down to about 35,000, that is if I ever had the opportunity, and who knows, I might even make it 30, it just depends on whether the client looked like they could afford it, because let’s face it, hookers aren’t really cheap change and everybody deserves a break once in a while—”
“I’ll take that beat,” said Akira, grabbing Shinji by the elbow. “Let’s get out of here.”
Shinji broke off in mid-mutter and looked dumbly down at Kamio’s hand around his arm. “You really want to?” he murmured. “That’s terribly kind of you, Akira, but if you're joking I understand, I'm not really marketable, Mizuki-san says it's because I don't assert myself enough, but I try, it's just that people usually want blondes and I refuse to dye my hair...."
Akira looked over his shoulder at Mizuki, who was making extravagant hero-worshipping gestures at him from across the street. Akira turned hastily away and led Shinji, still talking, up the nearest back stairs.
“…I don’t think I’d look good as a redhead though, my hair isn’t really light enough to pull it off, and besides, you’re the redhead and I’m the brunette, we can’t change or we might clash…”
“OH YEAH, I’M IN THE RHYTHM NOW. CAN YOU FEEL IT, CAN YOU FEEL IT?"
"Well not exactly, but then I think perhaps your condom is an eighth-inch too thick, it might be helpful to switch to a polyurethane instead of latex, not that you'll ever need to adjust to accommodate me again but it might make the experience more pleasurable, not that this isn't nice and you have a very nice form but the sensations could be heightened a bit more and I wouldn't object, if you get my meaning, not that you're not doing a fabulous job..."